This morning, this is where I am on the "Graffiti Garden" tapestry, after an hour or two of morning work. As I sat weaving, it became apparent that I could actually finish weaving this tapestry and cut it off tonight or tomorrow. That thought stopped my work, and actually brought tears to my eyes. How bizarre!
I am normally excited to cut a tapestry from the loom, and I am, after all, trying to complete this to meet a deadline. So why should it make me sad to finish it? I confess that I am not someone who just lets these thoughts pass by... I had to examine this feeling of 'loss' - and yes, I think I feel that I will have 'lost' something when the weaving ends on this tapestry.
I will have lost a feeling that there is something that I can control, in this world that is spinning totally out of control. I will have lost the solitude of weaving, that I often had to fight to create time for during the creation of this tapestry. I have a very strong connection to this tapestry, as it's meaning has morphed several times during it's design and weaving process (and I will share those changes at some later time.)
After the tapestry comes off the loom, it will no longer 'belong' to me.... It will belong to exhibits and jurors and viewers, and perhaps even to someone who will find that it was created just for them to own. That is what happens when you are a working and exhibiting artist. While it is on the loom, it still has my life woven into it, (and a few cat hairs from our Gus, whom I lost during the weaving.) When it is off the loom, it will, hopefully, go out into the world, and my connection to it, my meditation time as I pass weft through it's warp, will be done.
I confess that, as an artist, it is the time at the loom which is of extreme value to me, especially as studio time seems to be more rare and scarce than it used to be for me. This tapestry has brought me back to the loom and reminded me that I am a weaver. So I guess I just need to keep weaving........